Living alone after a breakup may be the tonic you need to get you back on your own feet, start feeling better and mending your broken heart.
Regardless of how long a relationship, when one comes to an end it can be a very difficult time, especially when the breakup wasn’t expected or on your terms. It can be particularly hard if you were living together. Adjusting to living alone after a breakup and being partnered with someone you loved and planned a future with, can be exceptionally challenging.
A major part of breakup recovery is to find a way of being on your own and learning to live with your own company. If you weren’t expecting to break up and the whole turn of events has taken you by surprise, it may take some considerable time to be at peace in your own surroundings.
52 thoughts on “Adjusting To Living Alone After A Breakup”
I really enjoyed reading these
Hi Michelle,
This is exactly what I needed to read today.
Thank you so much!!!!
Great post! Loved reading it, I’m going through a breakup now and these are very helpful strategies. Again thank you for documenting them!?
What is the point in becoming a better person? If the best person you ever had in your life left you, then you are doing it all for nothing. No matter how much I improve myself, they are improving and making themselves better also. They are enjoying new experiences and having fun without me. The longer we stay apart, the more beautiful she becomes. And no one in the world will ever be able to compare with her. She was my one and only.
We have been broken up for two and a half years.
Some really helpful tips here. I have never given myself the gift of getting to know me, always giving myself away to another. Your article shows me that I’m on the right track, painful though it feels at times. Thank you
Getting over a toxic relationship and getting ready to live alone for the 1st time in years! This is sooo helpful and what I needed to read. I actually am ready to be alone and truly be happy with MYSELF!
Thank you so much. My partner just left me after 6 years. It’s not easy but these words are encouraging to know that it will be ok as I move on without her. i do feel really lucky in the aspect that we still get along to a degree. its just hard as hell when its not you who wants these things to happen. they just happen.
Thanks for this reassuring information. Just got dumped after six years. All of those same reasons you hear in the movies. Difficult all the same. Whether male or female, it’s hard to offer your heart and have it given back. I appreciate the thoughts written here. Thanks!
Thank you for the inspiration
Thank you for writing this article. It definitely helped give me some peace and hope that everything is going to be okay. My girlfriend of 2 years just decided she doesn’t know what she wants anymore and that she feels stagnant. What makes it exceptionally tough is that there is/was nothing toxic about our relationship. We’re both respectful and loyal to each other and are not controlling in the slightest. She even tells me that she still loves me and I’m the best man she knows but she’s just confused and having an identity crisis. I think a lot of what she’s feeling is because she’s been working less the last year (because of covid) and we haven’t been able to do a lot of fun things together like we used to which would naturally help us maintain our chemistry and passion. While I still have hope that we can make it through this hard time and come out the other side stronger because of it, I’m trying to prepare myself to have to live without her. Which is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Even the last few days with her staying at her parents house to clear her head, it’s been extremely tough for me with how lonely I am at our apartment alone. I’m trying to stay positive and be strong though and this article has definitely helped. Thank you
My relationship with my ex was an odd one, he took care of me throughout the 2 1/2 years we’ve known eachother. He came into my life when I was constantly manipulated by my parents and put down. Since they didnt feed me or make sure I was okay, he had to do that for me. I was irresponsible and unappreciative during this. I didnt realize all that he was doing for me. He had to work a lot to be able to pay for both of us. I know he loved me so much then because of everything he did. He told me many times he was confused about how he felt towards me and tbh I was confused too but i never wanted to leave him. I loved him but he didnt feel loved in the relationship. He didnt feel appreciated and he was constantly hurting. We have had a on and off type of relationship and for the longest time we weren’t even dating, mostly sleeping together, having sex, telling eachother we loved eachother, while we both were still confused. He didnt like that he had to take care of me and because of the mindset I was in and the situation I was in, I could never actually appreciate what he did and I honestly still don’t know why. He was able to get me out of my household and I started living with him. I never truly felt like I was welcome while I was with him and he seemed so distant and unhappy which i couldnt understand. I was at my happiest at this point because i had the love of my life with me and we were living together and everything was great. He ended up getting me a $2,500 car, which I am actually forever grateful for, and I ended up crashing it because I took too big of a turn. That showed me and him that I’m too irresponsible to be with and he just couldnt do it with me anymore. He didnt have that desire to be with me at all and he told me he hasn’t felt any desire towards me in a while. That did hurt and now I’m living by myself. I have a lot to learn and I am unsure on how to feel about this. I dont have my parents to go back to and my family never liked me enough for me to live with any of them. All I have now is my guniea pigs and I’m planning on giving all my love to them and try to move forward by myself. It’s very hard though and it kills me that I cant make up for the pain I caused my ex. Hes the best guy I’ve ever met and I will always love and be there for him. I suppose it just wasnt ment to be
Thanks
Needed this today. Thanks!
I just stumbled across your article and really enjoyed the tone of it. There are many articles out there, which focus on writing down the negative things about your ex, throwing away stuff, downloading dating apps, etc. They make you feel like the healing process should be aggressive and even rushed. I loved the emphasis on taking things slow; you want to take up a new hobby—do it! You don’t want to take up a new hobby—that’s also fine! Sometimes we just really want to be encouraged to have a conversation with ourselves, even if we only want to lay in bed ♥.
Not sure I will ever be happy alone. My husband of 30 years confessed to an affair 9 weeks ago. I am devastated that he has chosen his mistress over me. I am so sad and so alone.
Definitely needed this one today. Ex of 2 years blindsided me and within 2 days we went from being super happy and ourselves, to her packing up and out for good. Although it’s been tough the last few days I know it will be good for me to be self sufficient and be on my own. Thank you.
I really liked the article. It has this serene and mindful sense rather than ‘toxic-positivity’, often imposed on people. It clearly seems that the writer had an outlook from a place of peace, understanding and empathy.
What a brilliant and empathetic article. Really makes you think. The answer to our happiness lies within ourselves. My marriage totally consumed me. I was living my life around my Husband and his work. My friends said that I had lost my sparkle. They were so right. I am 63 and this is now MY time. Yes I miss some aspects of him and our relationship. There are emotional ups and downs. Do whatever it takes in that moment to get you through. Realise that YOU are important and your happiness does not depend on another person. Forge new friendships and fill your life with new meaning. Look forward without dread and the sun will shine again. Take control. Good luck!
I have been divorced going on 5 months now ( after 7 years of marriage). Met a pretty nice guy afterwards and fell in love so quickly. Once things took a turn I have been heartbroken again. After reading this article I realize between long term relationships (at least 3) I never took time to be alone and heal. Not even this last time. I am encouraged to be alone, to heal, and know myself. Prayerfully after becoming completely healed I will have success the next go around.
Am going through the same thing but I’ve really failed to cope with loneliness.thanks , I’ll try these so I can find true love in myself.lol
Thank you. After being together after 23 years and now he’s leaving it’s pretty tough. I appreciate your counsel on moving forward in a healthy and happy direction. Thank you
The time with them was fantastic and we will have a memory of the same. There are those people who fill Ur heart with immense love and hope , then leaves u suddenly . People say not to get emotional ,let them go. Ya let them , never forget every good thing they have taught us.They are our teachers, mentors in one way or other
Just had a amicable split after 20yrs, we are great friends, awhile later i fell in love with another woman, lasted 5mnths and we split, i am fkn miserable! I miss this woman so much it hurts my soul! I fell deeply in love with her even though their were red flags, she filled a void id been missing for yrs. Trying to move forward but am really depressed.
after broke up last week, I started listening to sad songs since then until now. I’m glad to know that what I did is one of your suggestions. so, thank you so much!
This is very useful, thank you. We are splitting after 28 years. We have had our property on the market since October.
It was his choice, but I know it’s the right choice now. However it is still a very hard pill to swallow and I dread the day. I will be moving in with mom & dad while I find somewhere of my own. I have my little dog she is a little Gem but I will not be ferrying backwards & forwards. No children.
It’s very bittersweet, I dread the day but need to find myself.
Thanks again.
It is remarkable how on point this article was. It puts everything in perspective. I’m sure it has put everything in the right direction. Thanks to God first and he used you to be the vessel to bring this life blood back to a flow with a glow. God bless you.
thank so much this will really help me.
Your article was the distraction, acceptance, and advice that I needed to hear. Today, I made my alcoholic partner move out of our apartment. After five years of him promising to do therapy/AA/stay sober for a year, and then going back on his word after a few months passed, I finally lost all trust in his word. And, I couldn’t deal with him making promises, hearing my needs, and then not showing up or not being coherent enough to be of any help when my scheduled once a month break for a few hours came around. I don’t want my kids growing up feeling like they aren’t important because thier dad doesn’t show up for them when he says that he will, and I’m tired of feeling like this when I work my butt off everyday to help make his life as stress free as I possibly can. We have one toddler together and I’m eight months pregnant with our second, and when he started drinking again and not showing up for our family time, or showing up drunk, I decided I’m not going through another newborn faze with an alcohalic partner that adds to my stress and sleep deprivation. My kiddos deserve me at my best, and I deserve to be treated with the same care and love that I exhibit towards my partner (even if that means my partner is myself from here on out).
Still, the empty spaces he left in the apartment break my heart everytime I see them. Filling the empty spaces with my things helped, but being reminded that now is the time to focus self care and discovery has been an even bigger help.
On that note, I’m going to take a long shower and do my nails! Thank you for writing this article.
It’s really difficult. You make the effort to be positive, go to therapy etc, but the home environment you created together reminds you of what you are missing, especially that she left and chose to be with “her best friend” who she had an affair with. Sometimes it hurts that she did it, other times that she chose him but often that she isn’t here.
I really needed this article today. I’ve been holding onto “hope” that me and my ex could get together again in the future. We had a mutual breakup as he struggles with depression and substance abuse issues after the passing of his mother. He would constantly lie to me and never told me his needs. He always just tried to keep the peace and do what I wanted. Which really is heartbreaking because all I ever wanted and asked for was honesty. He lied about several things and hid them from me until we had already signed a lease on a home for a year. And now 4 months in I’m stuck here to be reminded of him everywhere I go. That’s been the hardest part for me. He talks about finding each other again once he can truly find himself and fix some of the issues he has about himself. I don’t want to hold onto that hope. I need to find a way to truly accept that I deserve more and I would never want to put myself through this again. I love him so much, this has all been so hard. I hope time will continue to heal.
Things had to be rocky before the split so why would you be shocked and hurt. I immediately enjoyed the silence and not being a cook, butler, and bank. I live by and love this quote; “Don’t be sad that it is over” “Be happy that it happened” . Quote from the movie “Orchid”. I have no regrets that we spent 6 years together and we have great memories. On the other hand, being alone brought less stress and more me time, which I really needed. It has been a year and a half and we have not spoken so that speaks volumes about the decision. I do not see me getting into another committed relationship again. I bought a Spanish Water Dog and all he requires in a walk and pet on the head. If I ever find a woman that gets as exited as Charlie when I walk into the house, maybe I would consider a relationship. I absolutely do not understand going to a therapist to heal after a breakup. But to each his own.
I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. I had a feeling he was going to leave me in no time and he later did this was After 3 years of marriage, my husband left me and never returned. Thank God for given me courage to fight my battle which i will never forget anytime soon he has really done alot for me.
This article helped me so much all ready but i hope to get some help with something I’m struggling with regarding a break up. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I don’t mind being alone but I miss snuggling with someone and just having someone touch me and hold on me. How can deal with the pain that comes from that?
Lots of love,
Sarah
I needed this! Thank you!
18 months together ,We had a blazing row news year day and boom he left.It had been brewing the last few months.I was love bombed all the way through like you wouldn’t believe , this man on paper was god sent!.However the nicely wrapped control was almost instant.worked in a shop at the time he would sit in the cafe opposite all day when he was off, until I finished.He insisted on making and carry everything, as no queen of his does chores.Got upset if I was up at the weekend before he came and gave me coffee, would drive me and pick me up to social events.If I took my daughter to the shop, he would turn up.I’ve cried like my heart has been ripped out and took all the blame.He said he wasn’t thappy unless I was, The constant ‘ are you ok’ made me not ok! Reason I’m now seeing it different he tried to push my daughter to leave , or moaned about her (she’s a delight as young lady’s go) so red flags from the start , but better alone with my girl then with a co-dependent love bombing narcissist.
My boyfriend broke up with me recently, we had a lot of fights in the first year of our relationship and things got better in the second year until he met this older woman who was always in his space, he promised to set boundaries after we fought severally but he never did, this hurt me so much and we had a huge fight which led to him breaking up with me because he thinks we are better off apart and there’s no coming back from the hurt. I feel so broken
Sir/Madam,
My 10 years relationship got ended in 1 and half months back and the reason being a third guy in her office of same caste and i did not noticed it coming that way and she broke with me for that guy whom she met like a month ago. Now, since she has already moved on with that guy, i am still stucked with her memories our moments and not able to get out of it still. i do cry daily for something which i have not even done. i am not that social with a very less amount of friends who obviously are busy with their lives. i have turned 30 today and still cannot show maturity to my senses and crying and remembering her like a teenage. i am in immense pain and loneliness seems to be acquired me fully. i am on a height of depression and anxiety. could you please help me in anyways.
Thanks,
Mani
I’m struggling really badly. My ex and I broke up in December. For the last three months he starting acting more aggressive and mean. Then one night he didnt come home to 6am in the morning. Long story short, he showed no remorse , cursed me out. Therefore I broke up with him and kicked him out. Within one month of us being separated, he is now living with his new woman which he just married and she is now pregnant. I’m devastated, confused and very heart broken. All can say, when you see red flags don’t ignore them. And I believe he might be a narcissist, as he loved bombed for the first yr of us being together and then at the end of second year, he became a different person.
Thank you. This was a really nice article. I’m going to bookmark it. I am destroyed. After 6 years of bearing my heart and soul to the most wonderful woman, she ended things over a fcking voice message. I can count the number of arguments we had over the years on just one hand, and we literally wanted to be around each other 24/7. We had a connection and chemistry unlike anything I could’ve ever imagined. Any sacrifice that was made didn’t feel like one. Nothing made me happier than making her happy. She’s an angel on Earth. I honestly loved everything about her and I cherished her. She was just as wonderful, if not more so, to me. I don’t even have a real explanation other than her “no longer being able to heal” within the relationship. I have no idea and she won’t talk to me. It feels like I’m in the twilight zone. I was a father figure to her four amazing children, and they all loved me. I have barely gotten out of bed in days, and I just want to talk to her every 30 seconds, all day, nonstop. I want the love of my life back. I don’t ever see myself being able to delete all of our pictures, and I’m not ready to lose hope. I just can’t accept this yet, but I will try and keep busy and use these tips to not feel so lonely and betrayed. This is so surreal. I feel completely helpless. I think I’ll always be broken. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy. It’s selfish, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone and that others are hurting.
My partner just left me after 11 years of dating. He didn’t show any remorse. Just suddenly told me he was marrying another woman and it is for my own good. Just like that. I can’t concentrate on anything. I feel so depressed now. After reading your article, I ll try my best to focus on myself and maybe seek counselling
Hello. Thank you a lot for your tips.
I feel lost and broken, I’ve just broken up with my partner for 3 years, I lost him to his depression. I moved to another country, left everything behind me just to be with him,started a new life, thought I’ve finally found home. But I was told that it’d be better if I just went to my home country… Loosing partner to his depression is very hard, I sometimes blame myself for not trying harder… but I had to leave because one morning I understood there was nothing left of me. It destroyed not only him, but also us, and me. What hurt the most, there was nothing else… No scandals, no betrayals… Now I’m lost, alone and broken, and I need to learn how to live by myself again. We were a good team, worked perfectly together until it just started crushing piece by piece, and on the end we were left with broken hearts. The unfairness – it hurts the most. I still love him, I tried to be mad and hate him, but I just can’t. I keep asking myself question why and how, but no one will ever answer it.
I hope that your tips will help me to heal, but now the world just looks so dark and scary. I don’t recognize myself and my surroundings and my family is already pushing me to do something with my life, and I just want to disappear.
I can only imagine how difficult it must be leaving a toxic marriage, but I believe in you and your ability to create a better life for yourself.
Adjusting To Living Alone After A Breakup offers valuable insights and guidance for individuals facing the daunting task of living alone post-breakup. The article empathetically acknowledges the emotional turmoil that accompanies the end of a relationship, particularly when it wasn’t anticipated or desired. It recognizes the unique challenges of transitioning from a shared life with a loved one to solitary living. By addressing the difficulties and offering support, the article provides a helpful resource for individuals navigating this period of adjustment.
I admire your dedication to crafting meaningful and impactful content for your readers.
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Loved the post.
A good read.Although you sort of know these points it’s good to see in black and white and makes you want to try harder to like your own company. Patience and peace of mind going forward will be my practises. I will get there after a 16yr relationship it takes time I guess.
Going through a tough break up right now. I know where I messed up and it sucks. We going to try separate counseling and maybe touch base/ reconnect in 6 months time. We both admitted to still loving each other but things have to change. I don’t know if I’m just holding on to dreams or what? But I DO Love her enough to try. Typical Guy advice may sound helpful, but I want to honest when asked ” Have you had sex with anyone?”
I’m trying my damned hardest right now to deal with this initial separation anxiety and sadness. Working on ‘Auto pilot’ and trying to put on a grin for everyone. Not everybody has a social support network of single people, and right now, I prefer that only a handful of people know what I’m going through. I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow for some help, but even just reading this page and everybody’s testimony, HAS helped a little bit. I’m NOT alone in my pain and I’m NOT the only one that’s experienced this. It’s @#$%# Hard ,and it Hurts! Bad! But I AM going to Make it . Just like everyone else here ✊
Thank You
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I wish listening to sad songs helped me. The last time I tried that it sent me into a depressive spiral. I can hardly listen to music anymore at all. I’m even in therapy and the pain when I have a moment to myself to think can be unbearable.
I am going through break up
Was together 3 years
Living alone for first time in years
Trying to get used to it.
We were very toxic, but still love her and miss her all time,
Reading all your comments
I no I am not the only one going through this heartbreak 💔
We will all make it