Regardless of how long a relationship, when one comes to an end it can be a very difficult time, especially when the breakup wasn’t expected or on your terms. It can be especially hard if you were living together and adjusting to living on your own after being partnered with someone you loved and planned a future with, can be exceptionally challenging.
A major part of breakup recovery is to find a way of being on your own and living with your own company. If you weren’t expecting to break up and the whole turn of events has taken you by surprise it may take some considerable time to be at peace in your own surroundings.
It is possible for you to get through this time and there are ways you can be kinder to yourself to ease into single life. Here are a few considerations to help you transition into living alone after a break up:
1 Time to wallow
If someone has been part of your life for a long time it is hard to imagine your life without them in it. Grieving for the end of a relationship is completely natural and you should allow yourself the time to do this. The shock and sadness that you are feeling are to be expected and taking the time to get past this raw stage is important before you make any big decisions. It is also an important stage in accepting what has happened with many people believing they can win their other half back at this point. But, in reality, this is unlikely for most and so time to pass through feelings of anger and sorrow will aid the mourning of the relationship’s demise.
2 Keep busy
Keeping your mind occupied and active away from thoughts of what your ex is doing or getting back together is a good way to pass the time and get used to being on your own. Make plans with friends and family, take up a new hobby, read or work out – anything that you know will provide a distraction from the past.
3 Be practical
If you were living together then there are certain practicalities that may be essential to moving on. Dividing up assets, arranging to sell a property or dividing finances and making arrangements for any children or pets in the relationship may all be issues that need addressing. Try to remain calm and focused on the objective as becoming emotional may hinder any developments you’ve made. When the time is right and if it feels necessary seek legal advice, especially if things aren’t amicable between you and your ex.
4 Be comfortable with yourself
Some people jump into another relationship just so they aren’t on their own. It is important to be happy in your own skin and so getting to know yourself again is essential. Spend some time considering what you want to achieve and do on your own. Set yourself some goals – even short term goals, to begin with, that will get you through the immediate and first few months and think about how you might reach them. Some things might be easier than others like starting a new class or travelling to a different country. Re-evaluating the direction you want your life to go in could help you to be more comfortable with your future on your own.
5 Feel lonely
Understand your feelings of loneliness are completely valid and allow yourself the time and space to process those emotions. Those feelings may come after the initial break up and could completely catch you off guard after a period of feeling okay. It could take a while to accept that things have changed and at first, there may be a lot of day to day things that need to be sorted out – like moving somewhere new for example. Once things have died down loneliness might set in and so keeping busy, making plans and keeping in touch with people could help you. Being alone is still positive though – it enables you to be calm and reset your mind and body for all the good things to come.
6 Stay single
It may be tempting to put yourself back on the dating market but in the early days, it is likely to be for all the wrong reasons. Getting back at your ex and stopping yourself feeling lonely could be key drivers for hooking up with a new partner. However, it isn’t for someone else to fix you and make you happy. You need to be happy with yourself first and foremost and that won’t happen overnight. Taking time to live independently and focus on a new start, however hard that may be is the best way to getting back on track.
7 Love yourself
Unwantingly being at the end of a relationship break up is really hard and it is undoubtedly easy to blame yourself. Recognising that you aren’t at fault, that it takes two to tango in a relationship and learning to love yourself should be a firm priority when adjusting to life alone. Self-care and self-preservation are now what matters the most. It may have been many years since you only thought of yourself so take the time now to really take care of yourself and your future.
Living alone can be a great way to get to know yourself, giving you time to establish your next steps while making you, your wellbeing and your future a priority. So, don’t feel bad about putting yourself first when you are going through the difficult time of a breakup. It will take time to reconcile your feelings and move on, but living alone provides a valuable opportunity to figure everything out on your own terms.